Tag Archive for 'depression'

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The causes of my depression, part 19: the demographics of my graduate school labmates

As I have described in several previous posts, my academic and social lives basically did not intersect while I was an undergraduate. In graduate school, these aspects of my life became somewhat re-integrated once again, because there were so many Iranians in engineering, and especially in my area of control systems.

I should perhaps go back a little and explain why the demographics of my graduate school labmates was noteworthy. Throughout my undergraduate years in Engineering Science, my father had been harassing me about my supposed inability to compete with students from mainland China… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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The causes of my depression, part 18: my parents blamed me for 9/11

My parents had been attacking me for years for observing that religion would once again become important in global affairs, that the post-Cold War division of the world would be into blocs defined by religion and culture, and that in particular the resurgence of Islam would have a large part to play in this. Their reaction to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, and the way they began to treat me thereafter, perfectly illustrate the enormous gulf between traditional Chinese culture and the culture of science.

In science, progress is made through the elimination of faulty hypotheses which are discarded whenever they are shown not to agree with observations of reality. Science therefore demands certain traits of its practitioners: the readiness to alter one’s opinions, no matter how deeply held, when they are contradicted by incoming evidence; and the willingness to admit one’s errors. An individual scientist may be unwilling to abandon a pet theory, but for the most part, science celebrates the desertion of wrong ideas; when one studies the history of science, the really major discoveries have been hailed as such precisely because they overturned previously cherished beliefs. These traits are not only lacking in traditional Chinese culture — which values obedience, harmony, reverence for authority, and the concept of “face” — but are actually antithetical to it… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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The causes of my depression, part 14: meditation and other Buddhist activities

My social circle during my undergraduate years consisted mostly of people who were connected in one way or another with my interest in religion. I converted to Buddhism and became the President of the Buddhist Student Association — a long and interesting story which I may tell in later posts. There are, however, a few items related to my depression, and to my efforts to overcome my parents’ attempts to destroy my scientific career, which I will relate here.

Because of my association with Buddhism, I began to meditate regularly. In fact, I took part in organising regular meditation sessions at the university. The practice gave me the strength to cope with my parents’ abuse. Naturally, as soon as they discovered what I was doing, they started to attack me for (what else?) “wasting my time”… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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Overcoming my writer’s block, part 1: overview

I have again been unable to write for a long time. The task that I had set before myself, of writing an autobiography from birth up to the present to explicate the causes of my depression, was just too big. After writing several large chunks and attempting to arrange the pieces in some sensible order, I finally had to put everything aside — temporarily — out of frustration.

I have returned to the project with the aim of proceeding in smaller steps, by dividing up my writing into themes. The first theme that I will tackle is the problem of my writer’s block, which I have already mentioned. It might seem strange and self-contradictory that I should be writing about having a writer’s block — but the fact is that I have been unable to write anything else. I am therefore going to confront this writer’s block directly by forcing myself to write whatever I have to about it.

I used to be a very prolific writer… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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Authoritarian parenting and its harmful effects on gifted children

In the fields of clinical and developmental psychology, Baumrind’s parenting typology is used to classify different styles of parenting. The typology has two orthogonal dimensions, responsiveness (or warmth) and demandingness (or control), resulting in a scheme with three styles of parenting, authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive, with the fourth combination corresponding to neglect or non-parenting[1].

Authoritarian parenting is the style of parenting associated with low responsiveness and high demandingness. It is characterised by the assertion of power on the part of the parent and withdrawal of affection and support to coerce obedience in the child. In other words, it is centred around punishment rather than the nourishment of the child’s internal incentives to motivate behaviour. This style of parenting is prevalent in Asian societies, and less common in the West. Its harmful effects are well-documented: … » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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Why and for whom am I writing this?

I started this blog to record my thoughts as a scientist. And while the next several posts have nothing directly to do with scientific research, they are about the experiences of somebody who has struggled to become a scientist — namely, myself. There are plenty of blogs already where scientists write about their research or scientific ideas, or give expression to their social, political, or philosophical views. But I haven’t really run across too many where a scientist talks about really personal problems which he or she has had to deal with while trying to create a career in science. This gives the impression that all the successful scientists (the blogging ones, anyway) have personal lives which are in tiptop shape.

This may or may not actually be true, but it has the effect of creating a vicious cycle… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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Mixing personal and academic blogging

I have been agonizing over the past little while about how much of my personal life to expose on this blog. I have decided that there would be no limits — that I would simply write about whatever was on my mind.

I have, of course, considered all of the usual reasons for not divulging too much personal information online: “What about your future employers?”, “You’d be telling complete strangers about your life,” and so on. I don’t mind at all if a potential employer finds out how I got to where I am today. This blog will allow me to paint a more complete picture about my background and skills than a résumé or CV ever could. And as for telling complete strangers about my life, I intermittently have the odd experience (as I’m sure many people do) of meeting people who think they know something about me — but what they think they know turns out to be wrong, or a misunderstanding or exaggeration of something that is true. So it’s nice to have a place where I can straighten out the facts.

It has been suggested to me that I should have two blogs, one for personal matters and another for academic ones. I don’t think that could ever work… » [Expand post] [Permalink]

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